Thursday, August 10, 2006

Inside the Tech Man's Studio

The other week Dan Radakovich graced Matt Chernoff and Chuck Smith with his presence on Monsters of the Mid-day. Matt asked some tough, but fair questions that I felt Dan did an excellent job with addressing. Predictably The Hive felt that Chernoff did not lob near enough Tech worshipping softball questions to Mr. Radakovich and the inevitable whining about support from our “flagship” station began.

After a little research, I have decided that I agree with them. For instance, did you know that “flagship” is apparently of German derivation and originally meant, “taint worshipping ass snackery of the highest magnitude?” Obviously for your “flagship” to ask any question not expressly designed to show your utter levels of superiority to any and all things in existence is an outrage of high order that can no longer be tolerated. We as Tech fans have always demanded respect and we should demand no lest from our flagship station.

I’m not one for just griping though. I’m here to offer viable solutions and obviously there is only one man out there capable of providing the stratospheric levels of adoration worthy of carrying on a conversation with even the lowliest bums sleeping in our hallowed halls, much less our Athletic Director and coaches. I am speaking of course of mediocre celebrity teabag master James Lipton. A man capable of spending a full hour making Ashton Kutcher look as if the lack of Oscar on his mantle is one of the great crimes of the 21st century.

We here at What’s The Good Word would like to show you the future of all GT related interviews with our first edition of Inside The Tech Man’s Studio™. For example, Mr. Lipton had a chance to sit down with our own head ball coach himself, Chan Gailey. Coach Gailey was able to withstand almost lethal levels of adulation in his hour with James.

Here are just some of the highlights:

James Lipton (JL): Four consecutive seven win seasons, four consecutive bowl appearances in exotic and distance locations, and the love of the whole world. These achievements describe not a mere mortal man, but a modern day Atlas hoisting the football heavens on his mighty shoulders. I almost dare not speak his name for fear of striking our students deaf, but I shall stride forward resolutely in honor of the excellence that our guest represents. Ladies and gentleman I present to you a man that magnifies the worthlessness of your very existence, Georgia Tech head coach Chan Gailey.

Coach Chan Gailey (CCG): Gee golly shucks.

JL: I fear that I have wet myself in excitement. But let us continue nonetheless. You sir are delight made flesh, pleasure personified, and in my amateur opinion the cure of all the world’s ills. How does Chan Gailey wake in the morning and prepare to unleash his grandeur upon the world?

CCG: Shucks, gee, golly. I just want the boys to go out and do good. When I was running the Cowboys into the ground . . . I mean taking the team to consecutive play-off appearances with only three future Hall of Fame players on my roster, I never thought someone would use words quite as pretty as yours in describing my life.

JL: HA HA! I have been rendered sterile by your grace and humility. Tell me Chan, if I may use your first name, is it true that Georgia Tech is the source of all good things in the universe?

. . .

JL: We will now move to our quick questions as given by the students. What is your favorite play?

CCG: Run up the middle and then throw the ball out of bounds on two consecutive plays.

JL: Genius! What is your greatest success?

CCG: Averaging a roughly 20 hour drive to all of my bowl games.

JL: I am erect at the thought of your greatness. We thank you for joining us here and warming our tepid existence. I look forward to the days of bowing at your statues and praying to whatever direction it is that you are standing at the time.


Blogger Jeff said...

I love it. Heads up, tho. the normal comment links for your posts don't work.

6:03 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

Yeah, I know. I haven't been able to figure out how to fix it though. I've tried republishing and other things and none of it works.

I'm hoping to change the whole layout before the ND game anyway so maybe that will fix the problem.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Newspaper Hack said...

From the whole Alabama family, thanks for hiring The Gailey. He campaigned hard for the Bama job a while back, but apparently the administration thought even hiring Ray Perkins back would be a better move.

12:00 AM  

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