(Finally the article that I have been deliberating on since starting this blog. The article that will pull me off of other Tech blog rolls, get me banned from GT message boards, and fill my inbox with poorly punctuated, yet highly mathematic, vitriol. Obviously not all of this true, unless it is.)
While Orson might have prepped our Irish friends for their trip to Atlanta, what he didn’t adequately prepare them for was actually dealing with Tech fans. Considering the amount of time that we will spend together this Saturday, I believe it important for the Domers to understand what it is that makes the average Tech fan tick. How exactly we go about our lives and what is the impetus for how the why and how of our behavior.
I give unto you
Tech Fans: Behind the CurtainI drive . . . I drive . . . I drive a Dodge Stratus! No quote has better summed up the thought process of the average engineer quite like the gem above. The truth is that Tech is a hard school (not as hard as some make it out to be and I’ll touch on that later), but in truth it pretty much prepares most of us for boring non-fulfilling middle manager positions that many lack the social or tactical ability to escape. Go and watch that clip again, and not only because it’s hysterical, the slow build up to anger is quintessential middle-aged engineer. Lucky for the visiting fan there is
one universal truth at work here; there is no funnier rage than bitter impotent rage. If you want to see something really special make some comment about how you think your school is better than ours. I would keep a minimum safe distance of about 10 feet. Not really because of potential violence, but the spittle associated with that level of histrionic sputtering and chest thumping can reach some impressive distances.
(Picture:) People are afraid of me!My boy doesn’t have what you call the social skills. Interacting with the Tech fan socially can be an interesting and educational experience. While we are exceedingly intelligent within chosen vocations, there are certain levels of “social retardation” that are seemingly related to these traits. For instance the portion of the brain that says “don’t wear a short sleeve
button down shirt with a tie” is woefully underdeveloped. Unfortunately we seem unable to turn our powerful deductive reasoning skills inward as to why our social lives do not turn out the way we wish for them to be. Deciding instead to surround ourselves with self-fulfilling prophecies and blatant falsehoods. The greatest of these being that while at Tech you had no time for a social life. We like to make it appear that we were regularly placed within a burlap sack and beaten with reeds for our insolence. The truth is that we spent most Saturday nights in our dorms chatting with the ever charming and understanding IvanaHumpalott who more likely than not was a 500-pound Russian refugee named Ivan.
A great philosopher once said, “Rationalizations are more important than sex.” When challenged that nothing is more important than sex he wisely responded, “ever been a week without a rationalization?” As we don’t get laid anyway, trust me when I say that we fill that void with rationalizations. In fact much like the doting mother protecting their child, Tech fans are at their greatest skills in weaving half-truths when lying to themselves. Clearly the other kids are making fun of your completely sweet silk Wolverine tie, because you’re smarter than they and that threatens them. (Uh, not that I know anything about that.)
The Sin of Being Incorrect: Engineers are taught from the earliest stages of their education that there is no greater sin in this world than being wrong. And with good reason as you might have heard of a few rounding mistakes in engineering: The Hindenburg, Challenger, Columbia, Chernobyl, etc. Unfortunately, we’ve allowed this attitude to carry over into the softer sciences
like psychology, politics, and football. We then mingle this delightful fear of falsity with the aforementioned handicap in the area of the social graces and create a concoction in which arrogance plied by willful ignorance is mistaken for confidence. Thus be prepared to see otherwise rational people unwilling to give up the silliest stances on subjects all because of the abject fear of being incorrect.
(Picture: Should have carried the one.)
Be Prepared!So when you combine all of this together you get an interesting hodge-podge of existence. A being possessing a broad range of ability, but sometimes woefully short of application. A creature with an over inflated sense of entitlement, but without the vocabulary to explain why. For instance while Tech Fans might try to convince you that we don’t like Domers, because of historical rivalry, running up the score, fish throwing, etc. The truth is that whenever Notre Dame fans are around we’re no longer the most undeservedly arrogant person in the room.
And if you’re not first, you’re last. So welcome to campus, bitches.
